


Catalyst Rising

by Thalianix



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Love Triangle, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22330600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thalianix/pseuds/Thalianix
Summary: Jane Shepard was given three choices to stop the Reapers. None of them were options she was willing to take. Instead, she chose none of them, to die free and not under the rule of anyone or anything. Instead of dying, Jane Shepard wakes up in the examining room of the Lazarus Project. She quickly finds that she is given the chance most aren't. To fix the past with the knowledge of the future. To stop the Reapers. To save humanity and the galaxy. Who will she tell? Who will believe her? What happens when old methods don't work and new approaches must be an option? Can Jane save everything without loosing herself?
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Female Shepard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	1. The Hard Reset

The catalyst spoke to Shepard with such passive intensity that Jane nearly recoiled.

"Your time is at an end. You must decide."

Jane looked out onto the battlefield. Reapers against a galaxy. A galaxy that just a few short years ago had been at war with each other. The Krogan who had seen freedom from the genophage. Quarians who had found their freedom from Geth. Turians who had found their freedom in saving a race they once tried to extinguish. Solarians who found their freedom in the actions of a doctor who saw his errors. Asari who had paid a heavy price through their freedom to keep the information they held for centuries from others.

All of them fighting for freedom. And wasn't that what Shepard herself had stood for? How could she make this choice? Become the voice for all? All of the options left people at the mercy of the Reapers in one way or another.

"I choose freedom. I choose nothing. If I die, I die free."

The catalyst briefly looked at Jane then turned his back on her. "So be it."

His hand waved and he disappeared, leaving Jane to look out onto the expanse of the battlefield. Within minutes she saw the Normandy engulfed by a Reaper. Her eyes shut and she felt her legs go out from under her. She was dying, she knew it. She sat with her back against the very console that would have given her three options to prevent this. Three options that would have been enslavement in some way. Three options that stood against everything she fought and lived for. 

As her eyes closed, she let the sound of soft explosions and fighting fill her head. She had always heard that when you died you heard the voices of those you loved. Those who loved you. She sat listening for one of those voices. For Garrus. For Liara. For someone.

"Commander, wake up."

Miranda? It couldn't be. Why Miranda. Why was that the first voice? Not Garrus. Not mom.. No. Miranda. What the hell?

"Shepard, do you hear me? Get out of the bed now. The facility is under attack!"

The facility? The Lazarus Project? No, it couldn't be.

"Shepard, your scars aren't healed, but I need you to get moving. The facility is under attack."

Sit up you moron. You can figure it out later. Maybe it's purgatory. Maybe you're dreaming before finally passing into the veil, as Wrex called it. Maybe, no, don't think about it. Just get up. 

Jane sat up and sure enough there she was. She was in the room of the Lazarus Project. She was right back where she was several years ago. The same sounds. The same tone in Miranda's voice. Everything the same. 

This isn't possible. This just isn't possible. It has to be a dream. Some kind of memory replay before full on death. Yeah, great thought Jane. One problem. That didn't happen before. When you were spaced, that didn't happen. 

Jane pushed herself towards the cabinet that held a firearm. She grabbed the firearm just as Miranda started to tell her where it was. 

"Got it. I'll be to you at the docking bay entrance in a few."

There was a long silence and Jane cursed herself. Miranda finally came back across the communication system and began talking her through the next steps to get to the rendezvous point. 

Jane went with it. Following just as she had years ago. The thought was that if she was reliving it for some reason, the best thing she could do is just go with the motions. If it was real and not some sort of relive your mistakes nightmarish purgatory then she had to be careful, very careful, of what she said and who she said it to. At least until she could figure out the why's of all this.

It didn't take long before she found herself crouched behind a small cubicle wall in some of the medical research offices. She was breathing slow, steady, popping up and taking shots here and there at the mechs that were coming her way. 

She closed her eyes trying to take a moment. Trying her best to figure this out. She had taken only a few breaths when she felt something near her. She opened her eyes nearly jumping out of her skin. The Illusive Man. There he was in the flesh, or the digital flesh as it were. Shepards finger went straight to the trigger of her damn near worthless pistol. 

Jane just breathed in slowly, waiting for what the man had to say.

"Shepard. There isn't much time. You must be wondering what has happened here. The answer is simple. Me. In trying to control the reapers, I made sure a fail safe was put in place. It only works once and even then we weren't sure if it would work fully. Apparently it has. You are the fail safe. You are what they will listen to. I told you once you were the hope for humanity. I meant it. You are the only hope. You must take the knowledge you have and stop them. We have to work together. You don't trust me. I understand. But you can't be short sighted. Shepard, your knowledge, your experience, everything you know that others don't is part of the weapon to fight them. The weapon to win. You are the catalyst. You are the weapon. Shepard, humanity is my only concern. It is what drives me. The freedom of that humanity drives you. Work with me. One more time."

Jane looked at him. She tried to rationalize what she was hearing. She tried to understand the what and why. She tried to come up with anything that would make it all make sense. That's when she realized. This is what made sense. Everything she had seen. Everything the Illusive Man had done. It was tests, ways to understand the Reapers. Everything she saw that made no sense. Cerberus presence on Mars, Thessia, all of it. This. THIS was the answer. The Illusive Man had tried and failed. She was the fail safe. She was the hope for humanity. God damnit.

Her first thought was of Garrus. Tell Garrus. Her eyes shut. 

Tell him what? Tell him the entirety of his people would be gone? Tell him the consolation prize was her, but she would die to leaving him alone...again. Tell Joker? No. He would think she was insane and tell her not to go forward. She went through the list of the others realizing quickly that most of them she hadn't even met yet. For the first time since she woke up from being spaced, she felt truly and utterly alone. Trapped in her own world with no one to tell, no one to talk to, and only herself as the key to it all. 

She was a survivor. She was ruthless. But, for the first time, she was also a sole survivor. Her eyes opened and she jumped back up from cover. Her finger on the trigger, she began to shoot anything that moved and began her steps into the hell that the Illusive Man had recreated for her to save.


	2. Ruthless Calculus and Wine

"For the time being, these are your quarters Commander. They are not much, but we will be upgrading you soon."

Shepard watched Miranda for a few moments. She had forgotten how cold and off putting Miranda had been in the beginning. Jane contemplated the events that the woman would go through over the next few years. She wished there was something more she could do than just watch it all unfold. Something she could do to stop the pain she would face. 

When Miranda left Jane to her temporary quarters, it suddenly hit her. That is what she was supposed to do wasn't it? She was supposed to stop certain things from happening. She was supposed to help prevent, to the best of her ability, everything she had seen. No more three choices. No more Reapers. No more pain. The truth was she knew that just was not possible. 

She could kid herself and believe that none of this was real. That it was some horrible dream. She could even kid herself into believing that if it was real there was some magic way to fix it all. Some button she didnt push, something she had missed, or even a simple timing error. The truth was Garrus had been right. He was right, as they stood in front of a screen watching the collapse and planned retreat of the Turian forces that it was all coming down to one thing. Ruthless calculus. 

Save three million people over here and leave one million people to die. That was the cold hard fact of it though isn't it? You always ask for the chance to go back and make things different. The truth is all you are doing is reshuffling the cards hoping for better odds. 

Shepard stepped over to a small table that had been set up with a coffee pot, a bottle of her favorite whiskey, and some communications filled with news reports. She remembered all of it. it was a way to get her updated and feel comfortable. Yeah, because dying via being spaced after a Collector attack followed by waking up from the dead two years later could always be made better with just some wine and coffee. No, not by a long shot. But, the thought was appreciated.

The last time through, Jane had not taken the offer. She was skeptical of what and who she was dealing with. This time, she wasted no time popping the cork on the wine and pouring a glass. She moved over to sit on the bed and look out her window to the space outside. She sat cross legged and began thinking about the situation.

So many questions began to filter into her mind. If this was not a dream, then what would her first step be? Who could she tell? What things could be changed and what, no matter the pain it caused, would have to remain the same. 

She and Tali had sat by many nights joking about how Jane was the great Commander Shepard. Savior of the Citadel. Defender of the Galaxy. But this time….it was true. She was the only one with the knowledge and the only one with the abilities to stop what was coming. She quickly grabbed a secured tablet and began making notes. Within minutes it became clear where she needed to start.

Hackett, the Baterians, and that damn relay.


	3. Best Laid Plans

"You heard me. I need a meeting with Hackett. No meeting. No help."

The Illusive Man sat back and contemplated Shepard for a moment. He brought a smoke up to his mouth and took a drag before flicking it into the ashtray. 

"You realize we brought you back to life and can take that life away."

Jane shook her head and smirked. Oh the joys of knowing your own future and knowing what happened to get to this point. What really happened. Jane folded her arms, cocked her hip out, and leaned back just slightly. She waved her hand out passively.

"Leaving who else to fix this hot mess? Who? Oh right. No one. Empty threats. Keep in mind YOU brought me back here. YOU want me to fix this. Empty threats don't work this go round."

There was a small standoff. Silence, but a standoff nonetheless.

He finally spoke. "Is there anyone else you need to speak to? You realize you can't be preemptive to the point that others know what is going on? You can't change too much Shepard."

Jane nodded and pursed her lips. "You brought me back the first time for strategy. You brought me back because I was the best. We lived through that war. We both….well...went to Earth. We know what happened there. We know the future. You have to trust me to know the right chess moves to make. Hackett is the first one in that. As far as anyone else? I'm not sure. It's going to depend on how this goes. There is one person I want to tell. One. We need to trust him."

He flicked his cigarette again and shook his head. The exhale was swift. The voice was deep.

"Vakarian."

She shook her head. "I know that would be the first assumption. The problem is I know where he is right now. Not physically. Emotionally. Timing is everything with Garrus. Not just for the two of us, but for him to believe me. For him to trust me. No. I need to tell Joker. Joker needs to understand. Not just this. All of this."

The Illusive Man nodded. "Your pilot would begin to figure things out anyway. And, he would become suspicious to the point of not going on missions. Agreed. Tell him. Tell him after this with Hackett. That's all I ask. Anything else?"

She nodded. "I need to do some things out of order. It has to be that way. I need you to act normal, but stay out of my way. Miranda once told me that Cerberus didn't give her doubt. They gave her the resources she needed to get the job done. Do that. Give me what I need and stay out of my way. We know what happens when you don't."

He reluctantly nodded. "Fine. Do what you feel is right Shepard. Just remember what we are fighting for and humanity is in both our interests."

Shepard nodded and backed up making the holo connect go blank.

She walked out of the room and down the small hallway to her temporary quarters. In about a day she should be having a meeting with the Illusive Man where he waves his magic hand, makes the Normandy SR2 appear, and shows her her long lost friend and pilot Joker. She would go along with it. Act as though nothing was going on, before meeting with Joker privately and taking him to the side about everything. If she knew him, he would listen. He would wait. 

That's when she stopped point in mid stride.

"Surprisingly enough no. He listened to what I had to say." 

Wait. Garrus had told her once that his father was stern but fair. That he would listen and if the evidence was there. It wasn't Joker she needed. Not him alone. She needed Garrus' father. She needed Castis. That was something she was keeping to herself. 

She picked back up her steady pace to her quarters and waited for the door to shut. Glancing around the room she was fairly certain she was being watched and listened to. In fact, she was also certain exactly where everything was located. She would even bet that new plants had been put around the room that only the Illusive Man could access, you know just in case his little charge got uppity.

She walked over to the computer and began step one of this new operation. Purgatory, nightmare, or third chance at life it didn't matter. She had to see it through. The only way to do that now was through Hackett.

She had to meet with him. Have him understand what happened and have him check on his friend. The problem was, how to get him to do all that without raising red flags. That's when it hit her. Damned if she wasn't about to use a page from the Illusive Man's book itself.

You tricked me once and led me into a trap that turned to our advantage. You sent me straight into the Collectors with a false signal. You tried it again with Grissom Academy. What works for you can damn sure work for me. I don't even have to talk to him. All I have to do is send the signal and wait for him to reach out to me.

She sat back looking at her computer screen. The problem with that line of thinking is it still sent her to the relay. It still killed Baterians. It still destroyed a mass relay that damn near caused a war. It also destroyed a mass relay and killed millions to save hundreds of millions and buy some time. 

Damnit Shepard think. You can save the Baterians. You can blow up the relay. You can put off the coming of the Reapers and buy yourself time to assemble your crew, go for the Collectors, and get things lined up. How?

She looked over to her cabinet and opened it. There sat a pristine bottle of Turian Brandy. The same flavor and year that Garrus would later buy her when he "could afford the good stuff."

She hated the Illusive Man for it. She loved him for it too.

She took out the bottle, poured a glass, and looked out into space. That's when it all came together. Step one of the plan.

She decided to overlook Hackett. She sent out a message to meet with him only to keep the Illusive Man off her trail for a bit. He would be expecting the request so why not give him what he expected. She sent out three encrypted files following the very open request to Hackett. Afterall, when one of your closest friends is destined to become the Shadow Broker, you tend to learn some shit.

The first encrypted message was sent with a post date for one week. It would hit all Baterian military news outlets. There would be a terrorist attempt on the Baterian homeworld. It was internal. She gave the exact coordinates of the lab she, in the previous attempt, had found Hackett's friend and the plan to allow the Reapers come right in through the front door. The Baterian military would receive the second encrypted message. The order to begin evacuation of the planet. A three day time frame would be given. The refugees would be moved safely to a planet on the Far Rim. One that was not currently owned but would be claimed for the Baterians. 

The third encrypted message left with a large payment to Zaeed Masani. Half up front. Half on delivery and completion of the mission. 12 hours following the last shuttle departing the Baterian homeworld the mass relay would be blown up. It must be done remotely. It must not be traced to anyone. It must look like a trigger mechanism was detonated as a fail safe to the original terrorist attack from the lab. 

The end result? Well, if Jane figured it right she would do exactly what she planned. Uncover the lab. Save the Baterian homeworld colonists. Destroy the relay and the welcome mat to the Reapers. Buy herself some time. And no one would know who did it. She wouldn't stand trial. She would be free, ideally, to keep going and working to stop the invasion. 6 months of her own life freed up instead of being locked up. Up to an additional year or more of time put between the galaxy and the Reaper invasion. 

Now all she could do is sit back, sip her brandy, and wait.


	4. Ass End of Nowhere

A few days after setting the baterian situation into motion, Jane decided to talk to Joker. He had agreed to come by her cabin. It wasn't an odd request. On the Normandy SR-1 they would have poker games and movie nights with other crew members. Sometimes she and Joker would just talk. Nothing was ever incredibly serious. Not like this.

Now, she found herself sitting across from Jeff in total silence. Her elbows here on her knees, her fingers interlaced, her eyes cast down to the ground and back up to Jeff. He sat just as silent. He was looking straight ahead at everything and nothing at all. Jane knew it was hard to believe everything she had said. Hell, if she had been told it all she would have had the person committed to the nearest psych facility. 

After what seemed like hours, Joker finally spoke. 

"Give me something Shepard."

It sounded like a simple enough request. It was not as simple as all that and she well knew it.

"What do you want me to give you?"

He took in deep breath. It was a cautious one. It was a thought out one if that was possible. 

"Give me information about me that is not in my file and that I would have not told you. Something that only you would know if you had lived what you told me you have. Something personal about me that I can bring up right now and prove was something not in my file."

It took Jane less than a minute to know exactly what would work. She leaned back and took in a deep breath.

"You are from a colony at the ass end of nowhere called Tiptree. You have a father and sister. Your sister is younger than you. I know that because you told me. It is not in your file, because your file did not list the colony specifically. In fact it just lists you as a colony recruit and then lists your test scores."

She let the statement hang. He got up saying nothing. It took him a fair amount of time to move out of the room. He came back roughly an hour later. Walking into the room, he took the small steps down into the living area of the captains cabin. He walked to the small side table and poured himself a drink. Slowly and carefully he moved over to the chair and sat back down. He downed the drink quickly and shook the sting of the alcohol off.

"So, what now? We go get the big guy right? Tell me we go get the big guy."

Jane laughed and nodded. "Set a course for Omega Joker."


	5. The Alpha of Emotions and Omega of Screwups

Omega was exactly as Jane had remembered it being. Scummy, dirty, and filled to the brim with anything and everything that could make your day turn sideways. She had discussed with Joker how everything on Omega had gone down. What would happen and when. It had become a new thing for them to discuss the next stop or mission the night before it happened. She had done this before, but it was always a briefing style. This wasn't. This was just her and Joker talking, laughing, and laying out the plans. 

Once the Normandy was docked, they were informed they had to remain that way for 24 Earth hours. She didn't like it, but she remembered them doing that before and it was actually due to the attempt to keep drugs and other items off Omega so Aria could keep her own local drugs running. It was a business move, and a good one. 

Joker headed down to Jane's quarters and let the new ship AI take over. Jane had assured him that he could trust it, so he decided it was time to just step away and see how much trust he could put in the thing. 

Jane heard the cabin doors open and smiled as Joker limped in. She watched as he walked over to his new seat. It was a sofa that Jane had requested from the Illusive Man. It was designed to give Joker a more comfortable place to sit without looking out of place. He had tried it out and even given the I don't need it speech. He seemed offended at first. Within minutes of just trying out the thing, he had claimed it for himself and even stated if the ship was in danger again he would save that sofa over anything else.

Jane sat down on the end of the sofa at Jeff's feet and sipped on a glass of wine. 

"So, I have a few questions. You know Garrus is stalled up and likely being shot at as we speak. You know Mordin needs fans turned on to distribute the cure to the plague that was leaked into Omega. You also know that Zaeed is right there as you step out the door. So, the question comes in with what of that are you going to change?"

Jane took a sip of the wine and ran her index finger around the rim of the glass. "Nothing major. This is one of those points that could go very wrong very quickly. One major choice, for example saving Garrus, could go so wrong later. He has to go through some of this to be what he becomes. If that makes sense."

Jeff nodded and took a sip of his beer. He moved one of his legs and Jane noticed him rub his thigh. 

"Does it hurt? We never really talked about it. I'm sorry we don't have to."

Jeff smiled at her and nodded. "It's okay. No one ever really talks to me about it. Um, hmm. Well, I get sore from time to time. It's usually if I don't move around enough. But, moving around can hurt too. It's very complicated, often dramatic, and makes me a big bitch when it goes on too long. You know, something Miranda and I have in common."

Jane laughed and drank another sip. "Is that all it does?"

Jeff thought for a moment. "I'm not sure how to answer it. The brittle bone disease can manifest in different ways. Like, I don't look deformed really except for my limp or if I walk too much and my arm starts to contract. Others may look totally deformed and contorted. It just depends. Mostly, I have to be careful of breaking or fracturing a bone and of my placement through the day so I don't get too sore or tight. If my muscles get tight, my bones can start to ache."

Jane would never know what made her ask, but she actually did. "So, how do you have sex?"

Jeff spit out his drink and looked at her with wide eyes. He usually had a smart ass comment for something like that, but this time hew as speechless. Jane took advantage of the awkwardness and jumped to grab a small recording device. 

"What are you doing?!?"

Jane laughed and pointed the recorder at him. "You're speechless. I need proof!"

They both laughed and Jane set down the recorder, then moved back to her seat at Jeff's feet.

She was going to go back to the mission questions, but was cut off by Jeff. His voice was lower and softer than normal. Less hyper. More intent on his words.

"I have to be relaxed. The more relaxed I am the easier it is and the less likely I break something. I have to be aware of my pressure points at all times. There are certain mattresses I can use, but they are expensive. Pillows are better. The best thing is an anti-grav room but try finding one of those that is for the use I would need it for and a partner that it willing. Other than that, I just stay in certain positions and try to either go on my side or with them on top if possible."

Jane didn't know what to say. She blinked a few times as she watched him. "Um, so soft and sensual, slow and intentional. Got it."

He just nodded. His hand reached down and grabbed a new beer. Jane reached over and took the new bottle to open it. There hands touched and she looked at him. Right in the eyes. She blinked until he spoke. 

His finger ran over hers gently. "Um, Janey. It's open."

"Oh, sorry." She said softly and sat back. 

Leave it to Joker to fix awkward moments. Jeff not so much, but Joker…. Wait. Was she thinking of them as two different people? Well, not two different people but at least two sides to one full coin. 

"The best of both worlds."

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She shook her head and took another sip of wine.

"So, what is the plan Janey."

She shook her head like she was shaking herself out of a thought.

"Garrus gets hit by a rocket launcher to the face. That I can change. I can destroy the chopper they use to deploy the rocket. No rocket, no face damage, Garrus doesn't nearly die. It works out."

Jeff was nodding, so she kept going.

"I can also send Zaeed ahead to clear the area with the fans and activate them. That way we only have to deliver the antidote and put it in place. Saves time. Ends up with the same result. Miranda and Jacob can go with me to get Garrus. While I'm talking through things with Aria, I can send Jacob ahead to destroy the chopper. When I get there with Miranda, we all meet up and go through the gauntlet. We grab Garrus, avoid his injury, meet up with Mordin, get the antidote in place, and it's all done."

He nodded again. "You think it will be that easy?"

She laughed and stood up. Walking across the room she stopped at her desk. She put her wine glass down and stretched. Jeff watched her. He watched her arms reach up and over her head. He watched the muscle tone stretch and her tank top elongate on her torso. He watched as her muscles relaxed when her arms came back down. What the fuck was he thinking? She was his commander. She was Shepard. They had been through thick and thin. He had watched her die. He had…. He had a hardon. 

He let out a sigh and stood up slowly.

"I better head back up."

He went towards the door and was about to say goodnight. Jane moved forward and her hand touched his arm. She looked down at her own hand liked it belonged to another body. What was she doing? She was in love with Garrus. She had died so he could….live. Did he though? Would they be together this go around? Was there even a her and Garrus or was that something that would have to live in her memory based on her changes. Her heart ached and all the while it beat faster like she was a nervous prom date. She had never had this happen with Jeff. She had worked with him for years and never…. This was insane. She was tired, stressed, and this was insane.

"I don't think it will be easy. I'll probably fuck up at least ten times. I'll probably fix 9 of those ten times. I'll make deals that won't work and get better outcomes because of it. It won't be easy. But hey it will be fun right?"

He laughed and nodded. His hand touched hers. "Good night Janey."

She nodded and watched him leave the cabins quarters. She fell onto the sofa and could feel the warmth left from his body. Why was she doing this to herself? What was going on? Garrus had her heart. This wasn't right. Or was it? Maybe she was relaxed with Jeff. She could trust him. She could trust him totally. Holy hell, she could trust Garrus too, but that wasn't true was it. She knew his reaction. She could trust him, but he wouldn't believe her yet or trust her yet. She had to prove herself first. Jeff was different. This was...all different but all the same too. 

She shook it off and went to her bathroom to change clothes for bed. She would sleep it off and be back to her normal self by morning. She would go to Omega and take care of everything. She would mark this off as a crazy night of crazy thoughts.

Jeff stood outside of the cabin breathing slowly. What was he thinking? She trusted him, great. She only enjoyed being with him and hanging out because it was still business. What would an amazing woman like her want with a man like him?. What would a woman that loved fiction novels, her coffee, and her warm comforter at night want with him? What would the great commander want with a pilot? What would a ship kid want with a farm kid? Oh right. Nothing. 

"It's all business you asshole. Get her out of your head."


	6. Releasing Burdens

Jane sat in her quarters unable to sleep any further. The discussion with Joker and the pending moves on Omega had her jittery. She tried to remember how things had played out when she walked in on Garrus in the hideout. Was there anything she could do differently. Was there anything she could do to make things easier. The plan she had in place should work. She had to trust herself. The Baterian plan had worked out well after all. The rate for refugees had been in the 90 percentile. The relay had been demolished. The Baterian race virtually saved by an act of coincidence in the very least. So, this should go off decently well as well.

She rolled out of bed and threw on her tactical uniform. She grabbed her weapons and headed up to the CIC. Everyone was there and ready to go. They had received word from Omega they were clear to disembark. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. 

Shepard went ahead and followed her plan. She found Zaeed and went through the normal speech of what he had agreed to with Cerberus. Instead of sending him back to the ship, she sent him ahead to the fans to clear the area for them and get the fans back online. She went to Aria and introduced herself. She played along with the initial meeting and then had Jacob go ahead to the chopper to destroy it. She and Miranda went through the motions to get them to the cab that lead to the hideout and to Garrus. Everything was running smoothly until they met back up with Jacob.

"Did you handle the chopper?"

Jane was whispering as they made their way through the undercity areas of Omega. It took a minute for Jacob to finally respond.

"I did one better. I managed to connect the chopper to the Normandy. We have full control. You say when and the Normandy's defensive systems will go online while putting the chopper into an offensive stance. It will shoot the targets we have based on what Joker sees. Not bad huh? We can handle whatever they throw at us."

Jane nodded. "Good thinking. Thanks Jacob."

She wanted to say more. Frankly, the fact that he was not clearing things with her bothered her. Truth was, this was something Jacob always did. Going far and beyond instead of checking with his chain of command first. Doing things that may work, but not following the directions given. She shook her head and decided to take it as a win for now. 

The three moved into the hideout and onto the catwalk that was funneling people through and straight to Garrus. Within minutes they were on the second floor with him. The second he took his helmet off all she wanted to do was run into his arms. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him. She wanted to tell him she was so sorry for leaving him with the Normandy. For sending him on to what she thought at the time was safety while she ran into the beam. She wanted to say so much, but she knew her memories weren't his. None of what she had lived through with him had even happened. She took a deep breath and stepped forward, arms open.

"Garrus! What are you doing here?"

Everything in her shattered. It took everything she had to keep up the face. To keep up the mask of nothing had happened. Within a few minutes she was being asked to go and shut down the shutters to keep the other crews of mercs out of the base. Since she knew where they were,it didn't take long. Things that had caught her off guard the first time, like the mechdogs, were not an issue. 

When she got back to Garrus, her heart was racing. All they needed to do was get through the next fight. That's it. Just get through it. If the chopper was truly connected to the Normandy then they should be able to use the chopper to their advantage. The problem was that she could not get a message out to Joker. She had to trust that it was all in line and that Jeff had a line of sight to who he needed to target. 

The fight broke out and Jane heard the chopper approach. She held her breath and yelled out, "Take cover!"

All of them took cover in various areas of the floor. The chopper started firing. It seemed to be doing exactly what it should have been doing. It took mark on the enemies and started taking them out. Garrus looked at Jane with a look of surprise and "what have you done." She smiled and shrugged. They were laughing and watching as mercs dropped one by one. 

That's when it happened. Jane heard a noise that started off as a rattling. She thought it was the windows or structural areas of the buildings. She listened and her heart sank. She looked up over the sofa that was her shield. She saw the chopper shaking. Electric shocks and current were working through the panels. The chopper started to sputter. 

"GET DOWN!!!"

She threw herself onto the floor as flat as she could go. She heard Garrus make a noise and heard a thud. She glanced over and saw Miranda on the floor. She reached her hand out to Miranda and their fingers touched. She was fine. As the noise died down from the chopper explosion and sharpnel hitting everything around them, Jane stood up. Her heart stopped. She began moving over the chairs and sofas out of pure instinct. She knows she hit the communications that had finally cleared. She knew she was kneeling in blood. She knew she called for an evac as Jacob laid in front of her coughing and gasping for air. 

Within the hour Jane came back onto Normandy. She came through the airlock. Garrus was being checked by Dr. Chawkwas for minor amounts of shrapnel and cuts. Miranda was being seen for a concussion. Jacob's body was being prepared to be sent to his family and laid to rest by Cerberus. 

Jane felt her left shoulder hit the wall fo the cockpit. She heard a chair turn.

"Turn off recording devices in the cockpit for five minutes. Shut the doors." It was Jeff's voice making the command to the AI system. 

"Mr. Moreau, it is not the policy of…."

"I said CUT. IT. OFF. Shut the door. Shut yourself down." Jeff said with the largest amount of frustration and anger Jane had ever heard.

The recordings stopped and the doors shut. The lights went down.

Jane stood there as Joker stood up. His arms went around her gently and she wrapped her arms around him. She had never sobbed on anyone. She never trusted anyone enough to allow her to. Crying was for showers or in the rain. Period.

This time she felt herself let go. Her tears flowing in silent sobs. Her mistake taking hold to live in her memory forever along with the things that would never happen now because of her choices. 

Jeff stood, standing against any pain or discomfort, and held Jane. Why did she always have to be the savior? Why did she always have to the one to shoulder the burden?

"Let it go Janey. Let it go. It's okay. No one can see. It's just us. Shhhh."

They stood like that for twenty minutes before finally separating. She had gripped him. She had cried on him. She had buried herself in his embrace. She wiped her face nodded, and left the area. No words were needed. 

Jeff sat down and looked out to the galaxy. "Fuck you you Illusive Fuck. Fuck. You."


	7. What You Know about Who You Know

It had been two days since Omega. Jacob had been transported as quickly as possible to a Cerberus medical facility. The last Shepard heard, he was on life support in critical condition. She hadn't visited, primary on advice from Miranda that it would not be a good look for Cerberus or herself. Shepard had to agree. She needed to reset herself. Think about what she was doing. She had stopped in to see Garrus but the conversation was quick. She reassured him, just as she had in that other life, that she was only with Cerberus as a means to an end. He promised to walk through hell with her and went on to calibrate the guns. 

Jane had rolled through her duties, keeping up the smile and the attentiveness. Trying to not let the day to day get to her. Trying to hold back anything that would let the others know that something was odd. It was only odd to her though wasn't it? She was the only one that knew everything that was going on, that had and would happen. She was the only one carrying that burden. 

She finished rounds around the ship and made her way to the cockpit. She had to be careful even there. EDI was listening and at that time still reporting back to Cerberus. Joker was working on some reports and finalizing the numbers for the day. He turned the chair as she came in.

"Hey Shepard what's up?" He acted as if none of this was phasing him. Then again he had always had a good poker face, even if he didn't take it to the card table.

"How are things up here?" She asked with a tone that was more dead than she meant to give. 

"We're just having an argument over personalization of my workspace." He said and side eyed EDI.

"Cerberus regulations are clear Mr. Mauro. Personalization does not include grease on my bridge camera."

Shepard turned her head to Joker. He shook his head and looked from EDI back to Jane.

"It's just mad that all it's footage of me looks like a dream sequence." 

Jane shook her head. "Clean it off. I'm heading to my cabin. EDI set me to 12 hours of Do Not Disturb. Joker keep us here in the docking bay. I still need to go find this doctor Mordin Solas. I need to look over some things and rest before I do. I'm only to be interrupted if there is an emergency. EDI also turn off all records in my cabin. What I say and do in there is private."

EDI responded quickly. "Understood Commander."

Joker nodded and turned his chair back around.

It only took Shepard a few minutes to head back to her cabin. She sat down for a moment before finally making coffee and sitting at her desk. She began writing events as she could remember them. Only this time she tried to track what would happen if things went sideways. With Jacob out of everything, what did that change. The only thing she could think of was the future of finding the Cerberus scientists and rescuing them. They would need those scientists to get the crucible working. She remembered that it wasn't Jacob that had sent up the emergency call, so maybe nothing would change. Maybe they would still find them. 

Everything was like a puzzle to her. Everything was scattered with no edges to be found. She sat back starring at scattered notes, biting on her thumbnail, trying to make sense of it all. 

Her cabin door opened and Joker walked in. He limped down to the living area and looked at the papers. 

"Trying to map it out huh?" He took a seat and picked up one of the scraps. 

She nodded. "Trying to see what this one change could affect. What had I messed up? Did I mess up anything? Where do I go now?"

Jeff nodded. "You know. You keep talking about the things that you know will happen. Let me ask you something. How well did you know us?"

Shepard blinked. "What do you mean? We were all friends."

Jeff put the paper down. "Okay. But how well did you KNOW us. What I mean is this Dr. Solas guy. You know what is in his dossier. Do you know much about his past? What did he do for STG? What medical breakthroughs did he have? What was he researching?"

Jane shook her head. "I know he liked to sing. I know he had a kids science show at one point. He was part of the…."

She was cut off. "Okay most of that is in the dossier though. What I'm getting at is that you may want to do some more research on your own. You have access to all the files. What if this guy had training you didn't know about? Training that would help you stop the reapers. That maybe he didn't even think was significant? What if he had tests and training that could help Tali be out of her suit and more useful in some conditions or if he had early warning systems he used in STG that could be advanced on? See what I mean?"

Jane blinked and sat down. She knew only what Mordin had told her and that seemed to be mostly related to what they were doing. The few things she did know that weren't expanded from the dossier were tidbits he offered. Maybe Joker was right. 

"I think you're on to something. Jeff, get Garrus in here. I think I know how to use some of his old talents from C-Sec."

Within the hour Garrus appeared at Shepard's door. She was so used to him just coming in, it took her by surprise when he stood there. She had to quickly remind herself that this wasn't her Garrus, not yet.

"Garrus, come on in. Have a seat. You want a beer?"

She pointed at the small fridge and waved for him to go ahead and help himself. He did, taking one, popping it open, and taking his seat back. 

"Garrus when you were with C-Sec, did you ever have a chance to search people's files and find out information on them? Information you could use in an investigation?"

He nodded and took a sip of the beer. "Sure. We had to handle a lot of people like that. Investigations that were going nowhere. We would grab the file and start to filter through it. Looking for connections to other cases, networking, that sort of thing. Why? What's going on Shepard?"

Jane sat down and pointed at the pile of dossiers. "I need you to help me. I need to look at these dossiers in a different way. I'm looking for things we can use. Specific things. Projects that may connect to our crew. Technology that can taken down large ships or mass weapons. Anything that stands out."

Garrus nodded and picked up one of the files. "I can do that. Do you want me to take these with me?"

She shook her head. "No. Everything has to be done here. EDI is under orders to not record anything that is said in this cabin. I need this to stay confidential Garrus. Discretion is key."

Garrus leaned back. "Shepard you know what the crew will say. That bothers me a bit, more for you than anything. But what really bothers me is why you want this done. What's going on Shepard? What's really going on. What does Cerberus have on you Jane?"

Jane shook her head. "Nothing. I just…. I wish I could tell you Garrus, but right now I just need your help. I'll tell you. I promise. Just not right now."

"Okay. I told you I'd follow you into hell and I will. But Jane, eventually you have to tell me what is in this special hell. What I'm up against. Got it?"

Shepherd nodded. "Got it. I promise Garrus."

Garrus leaned back and grabbed the file on Zaeed. "Well, grab me a beer Commander. This is going to take awhile."


End file.
